I Changed the Game.

It has been remade. It is now better. Slicker. More efficient. It is, in actuality, none of these things. Though I did change it. Remember the base system for getting a girl? You know, first base is kissing, second base is touching a boob and so on. Well, that system is dated. We don't need it anymore. By now, those of us who have wanted to have sex have had it. For some of you, maybe even a lot. So, the game needed to be changed. I have now updated it, thus making it once again a system that we seek to reach the pinnacle of. With brief explanations included, here we go:

First Base: Fingerbanging. Honestly, I don't much care for this word (especially in print), but it gets my point across and also verbally let's you know how this is going to play out with all other bases. Handjobs would be the substitute for women here.

Seond base: Blowjob. No doubt about it, what used to be third base is now second. Copping a feel is easy; getting a girl to suck your dick is sometimes not. There are, on occasion, the rare breed who jump into this head first (pun!), but most girls aren't so into the idea, with good reason. The penis is nothing but a tangle of engorged veins not unlike what Tetsuo starts to resemble towards the end of "Akira". Thankfully we have a fleshy covering so all that grossness isn't openly exposed. Once again the substitute for women is somewhat obvious--eating pussy. Ask me to do it and it's all but done, but some dudes are apparently still stuck in the eighth grade and pussies scare them. Fucking idiots.

Third base: Here's where we start to really play ball (pun!). A girl let's you come on her. Having a girl take a shot in the mouth can also be put into this category. Honestly, I'd much rather come ON a girl than IN her mouth, but that's just my personal preference for degrading women. Seriously though, if a girl let's you come on her, she A.) has truly begun to trust and love you and is willing to let you get away with this kind of sick shit, or B.) she was gonna let you do it anyway because she likes it. 95% of women are in the former. Find a woman into the latter and you better never let her go. For women, this category is somewhat tricky. It may not be something you enjoy, but it shows a boy he can't have his cake and eat it to. Stick your finger up his ass. Like I said, you may not want to do this, but c;mon, dude just shot a load on your chest! Man up and fucking plug him up! At first the guy is going to be wholly against this idea, but then he's going to think "Well, I did just come on her chest" and he'll take it. He has to. He may not admit it, but he's well aware he's still winning as far as this trade-off is concerned.

Homerun!: Anal. Vagina is old hat. Been there. Done that. It's time to finish the job. It's somewhat like the version of The Punisher with Thomas Jane that came out a couple of years back. Yeah, he could have just killed the guy who murdered his whole family, but we've seen that before; just like we've had vaginal sex before. Instead, Tom Jane fucking kills his entire family! Whoa! Wife? Dead. Two kids? FUCKING DEAD! Not only that, but he tricks the bastard into killing his best friend. You definitely don't see that everyday. Just...like...anal.